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Free Verse: Stress

Stress

I’m feeling it today.

Tension
I didn’t feel myself carrying
Until it was over.

When I’m stressed,
I revert to old behaviours.
Old coping mechanisms.
If I catch myself,
Early,
I can usually
find my focus again.

I lost my focus,
And I slipped
Into old behaviour.
Newfound resolves,
Too new to know
When they were being tested
Beyond their limits.

Stress is something
That affects me physically.
Not just emotionally,
Although it affects me
In that way too.

It shuts me down
Emotionally,
Mentally,
Physically.
It reduces me to something
That functions,
But never truly lives.

Stress is something
That I am trying hard to control,
By telling myself that I can
And will
Control the things
That are in my power.

But I don’t,
I actually don’t
Feel like I have any
Power,
Over myself.

When I am drained,
I am on autopilot,
And on autopilot
I drift,
Listlessly doing things
I wouldn’t do
When thinking rationally.

The problem
Is that the rational
Part of me
Switches off
When I push myself
To the point
Of being too stressed.