Monday 25th January 2021
Perpetually busy is my default setting. I don’t sit still well, my mind is often erratic and I jump from task to task as spuriously as my thoughts change. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve taken on too much, and then even after taking the downtime that I clearly need, I find myself yet again saying yes to things that in hindsight leave me further spread and with little time to rest.
My mind is chaos at present. Too long in one space, doing the same things over and over have left me desiring change and freedom. Normalcy no longer feels possible, if it was ever a reality to begin with.
I am aware that I walk a lonely path, in a tangible fog that shields me from my future and my past with little discrimination. I am cut off from everything and everyone who can help me, I shout for help and the echoes reverberate off of unseen walls until they surround me. I stop shouting, speaking only in whispers, but the echoes come back louder still creating a cacophony of fear and fantasy.
I don’t know where I’m going. But the idea of stopping is worse than moving on. Better to be busy until things are better.
Author’s Note: I was feeling overwhelmed today and writing always helps me focus. Today’s musing is an unprocessed thought, captured by free writing. It means little now, but in time when I’ve processed the emotion behind it, snapshots like this one often help me get a better idea as to how I was feeling when I was writing.
Best wishes to everyone celebrating Burn’s Night tonight.
Original Picture Taken: Stirlingshire, Scotland (February 2010) ©DSCorermans
Happy Writing. Stay Safe. Stay Distracted.