I read an article yesterday, written by a young woman who talked about being single in today’s world. She could count on one hand the number of dates she had been on, and had never had a significant relationship. She felt that there had just never been a time, where she had found herself as desirable and so could summarise only two reasons as to why she is single.
- She is ugly.
- Her personality is so terrible, no one wants to be with her.
This was the entirety of her argument. She felt that if it was number one, she could combat that with makeup and weight loss, that that was not something she felt was too taxing. But it was the second point, she couldn’t figure out where to begin to change her personality. She decided she was going to remain being herself, even if that meant a life of solitude. Not because she was happy with that decision, but because she didn’t know where to begin.
This article bugged me. I couldn’t tell you exactly why it bugged me, but it did.
After sleeping on it, I realised that part of what plagues me without even realising it, is that her reasons for being single effectively encompassed her entire being. She felt that the only way to address this was to change everything about who she was.
I’ve been single for much greater periods of my life than I have ever been together with someone. I can count on one finger the amount of relationships I’ve had, and I don’t need the rest of my hand to count the remainder of people I’ve dated.
I have reflected as this woman did on what it is that makes me so undesirable, and I have never been able to pinpoint it. But point number one: I don’t think telling yourself you are ugly is anything other than walking into failure. There are aspects of my physical form that I am sometimes unhappy with, but I am not unhappy with my body. My body and I have come to a mutual understanding, I will take care of it, and it for the most part plays along.
Point number two: This one is harder to shake. My personality is off putting.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am… eccentric. I’m opinionated, yet reserved. I am loud, yet introverted. I am compassionate, dedicated; yet flighty and forgetful. I am naive and oblivious to almost everything that goes on around me. I am unique. Just like every other person in the world. 7 billion unique people, no life ever lived in the same way. No my personality is not off putting, but I can understand that there are people with whom I do not resonate.
I think as long as we continue to try to fit the mould which the media, and society would have us fit into we run the risk of being someone who is not truly representative of the unique individuals that we are. Finding that special someone is a great feeling, and being with them can make you feel complete. But for now, I feel better knowing that I am doing everything I am doing to complete myself on my own. I am my own person. I’d love to share my outlook with someone eventually, but I can rest easier knowing that whomever that person is, they too are likely becoming the person they are, following their own path. I look forward to the day our paths cross. I just hope I’m not so oblivious I fail to notice them.
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