Free Verse: Repent From A High

Forcing down
Those last sips of Gin,
What had been
A powerful high,
Suddenly halted.

The High had been
I had been lucid
And aware,
And oblivious,
Social and internal,

The moment.

That sudden occurring
Of the mood-killing,
Sobering seconds in time.

I suddenly feel
And over-powered
By my own self-doubt.

Did I take my own joke too far?
Was I too immature?
Have I done
Something I should not?

I don’t belong here
In this group, with these people,
Why should I deserve
The support and loyalty
Of these trusted individuals?

Ultimately I ask myself these questions,
But have I need to question?
Have I not done
What is necessary
To belong in this group
With ‘these people?’

There is no doubt in my mind
That I have grown
From the false image
Which I used to present
To others.

I no longer
Continuously have to define
Where I am,
And why I belong there.

It is in these sobering moments,
During the experience,
That I can identify
My still existing insecurities,
And work towards expelling them,
So that I am finally able
To exist
As part of a group,
Physically and mentally,

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