Free Verse: Why I Write II

The most annoying thing
About being a writer
Is that unless you write,
You cannot really consider
Yourself to be a writer.

I usually write
Everything I do
At least five or six times
In my head
Before I ever try
To commit to paper.

This means that a lot
Of information
Lives in my head alone
And a few
Of the really good ideas
Or musings, have gotten lost
Through no fault of their own.

I’d like to think
That with some real patience
And perseverance, I can make
Writing a daily habit.

Like most ‘good’ habits
Which one would like to adopt
Into their life,
Writing is something
Which I have always put off
Until tomorrow.

I do think though
That the commitment
Which I seem to lack
For writing,
Has more to do with

Lack of confidence
In the things I write,
Rather than not having
Anything to write about.

I have always written
From a place of pain,
Emotional pain
Which leaves me
Feeling empty
Most of the time.

Then when I write
I slip, back
Into this mindset.

The biggest problem with this
Is just how draining
This can become, but secondly,
Just how awful it is
To realise you are only able
To do the things you want to do,
If you succumb to the person
You do not want to be.

Finding the right balance
Between channelling inner darkness,
And controlling it is hard to achieve
And rather than try to find
The balance that I so clearly need
To attempt to instil within me
I often find myself instead
Leaning into Darkness.

I think
The thing which most concerns me
About finding this balance
Isn’t so much that I don’t know
Where to start,
But that I don’t know
Where it will end.

I am going to be forced
To explore aspects of my inner self,
Which I have suppressed and ignored
For a very long time.

Some things I already
Know about myself,
Others I worry
I might discover
For the first time.

Fear is never a reason
Not to do something,
Just a catalyst
To try harder.

The only thing
To fear
Is fear itself.

I think
That can be interpreted
To mean many things.
But on a personal level,
It has meant coming to terms
With the aspects of myself
That I don’t want
As well as developing
The aspects of myself
That I like and am proud of.

Humans should be defined
By their actions
And not their nature,
For evil is part
Of the human condition,
And lives within the soul.

But not all humans
Choose to act
On the evil that resides
Within them.

Some humans
Who may have had
An innate darkness within them,
Can choose to overcome this
By embracing light,
And giving out
Only love
To the world around them.

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