May Musings – I Care Too Much

“The crux of being a full-time carer for a family member, of the family I was born into, is that I will never have a family of my own.”

DS Coremans

Written: Monday 10 May 2021 – 13:42

I’ll likely never work in care again. I have accepted this. Grudgingly. What makes it difficult is that it is not due to not being good at the job…but every moment where I must facilitate the needs of others before my own feels like the blade of the fates cutting my cord shorter and shorter, the line that is left becoming taut and thin and one day…one day this line will snap.

I am a full time carer for a family member, and for the past fourteen months have been on call 24 hours of every day. When I started I was tired. Every day was more draining than the last leaving me depleted, running on empty. Exhausted.

Now I can’t escape the notion that the life I once desired will never be mine. The crux of being a full-time carer for a family member, of the family I was born into, is that I will never have a family of my own. No time to fall in love or be loved, no energy to be excited, no future that isn’t already written by the needs of someone else’s present. I am now, and will forever more be at the mercy of my experience. For even if one day I have a life beyond my present, the weight of that life before will be a burden too heavy to carry into any meaningful future.


Original Picture Taken: Aberfoyle, Scotland (September 2013) ©LWardrop

Happy Writing. Stay Safe. Stay Distracted.

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